An Ode to Amazon

Well, okay. Maybe not an ode. That suggests insightful poetry or epic story telling. This is not the place where you'll find that kind of writing. Let's set our sights a little lower. This will be more of an homage. Regardless, I'm not sure how I survived in the pre-Amazon days. I love being able to shop from home. Kids come home with an obscure book they need by the end of the week? Amazon. I know exactly what kind of sheets I want but I most certainly do NOT want to look all over America for them? Amazon. Bra shopping? I'd rather rub shit through my hair. My good friends at Amazon realize this. They even take the time to get to know me. "Based on your previous purchases, we think you might like the following items: ..." I do! I do like those items! Wait a minute. Aren't you linked up to my bank account? Oh Amazon. I'm pretty sure we both know I won't be purchasing any of those suggested items today. Let's create a wish list and call it "Not in this lifetime".
Working third shift and having a crazy sleep schedule makes shopping difficult to begin with. Many days, fibro makes it impossible. After all, if I happen to be awake at 3 in the morning and realize I still haven't purchased a birthday gift (even though its been on my to-do list for the past 3 weeks), what other store will welcome me with open arms and accommodate my weird shopping hours? My buddies at Amazon even have my niece's address saved so they can ship her gifts without my even tearing through my contacts list. "Would you like to ship the Barbie kitchen to this address?" Yes!!!!! I would! How do you know me so well?
Then there's the social aspect. Or rather, the anti-social aspect. Some days I swear my patience is stretched so thin it really isn't a good idea to deposit me in a public place just to see what happens. I'd much rather pay for shipping than bail. And with Amazon Prime, I don't even need to worry about shipping! How many bail bondsmen offer a pay-ahead program? Nevermind. It may be better if I don't know the answer to that. However, Amazon, if you're looking to extend your market, there's an entire market not being tapped into. I'll definitely add that to my wish list.

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