Be Still My Heart

I can finally share a story I've been sitting on for a little over a week. After all, it wouldn't be fair to share it here when I wasn't even telling my kids about it. Some of you may have figured out through these posts or my near constant story telling/picture sharing that I am unreasonably attached to Winnie, our 5 month old kitten (Or, as she was referred to today as, our 26 week old kitten). How can I not be? She never really leaves my side. She often comes running up to me purring excitedly as if it hasn't been a mere 10 minutes since we saw each other last. Pretty sure she likes me more than my husband likes me (to be fair, she hasn't known me nearly as long). So at her vet check up a little over a week ago when the vet heard a murmur and suggested an echocardiogram "just to be safe" I tried to react like a normal human being. I missed normal by a good thousand miles, but I tried. First, I questioned about specific (benign) cardiac abnormalities, prompting her to ask what exactly it was I said I did for a living. When she told me the murmur wasn't likely caused by the same same thing my little preemies are prone to, I admit I started to feel an overwhelming sense of dread. I managed to not google it for several days. Finally, I had to know. I swear, all I typed in was heart murmur in kittens. But you all know Google. It smells fear. They just had to up the ante. They returned a bunch of results for heart murmur in ragdoll kittens. 'Cause, you know, if you're going to be terrified, don't just half ass it. It would seem that ragdoll cats, or floppy cats as they are lovingly referred to as, seem to be genetically predisposed to something called hypertrophic cardiomyopathy (HCM). It's a thickening of the walls of the heart muscle. The more you read, the worse it gets. Needless to say, after reading this, I am now certain that she has this. I am no longer able to comfort myself with the fact that she acts completely normal and healthy. That she is not a purebred ragdoll. She gets plenty of exercise, she eats well, sleeps well, pees fine. That doesn't even register in my mind. Instead, when she curls around my face to sleep, I find myself listening to her breath sounds to see if she's going into heart failure. I have stopped short of busting out my stethoscope and truly listening. So far. Now the echo no longer needs to be done to see if she is cleared for surgery (spaying). It needs to be done to see if I am going to develop cardiac issues.
Our family vet doesn't happen to have a cardiologist on site, so they referred us to an animal hospital nearby. When I called for the appointment, they explained that she would need to be brought in at 10am today. We would go through the ER where she would get a triage exam to make sure she was okay to be kenneled essentially, and then she would be placed into the day's rotation. Typically she would be examined around 11am. Now, I know better, but still I managed to play this out differently in my head. I thought she would have the echo and come home. Nay nay. They wanted her to stay until the cardiologist read the echo and made her recommendations, etc etc. They told me they would probably have results somewhere between 4 and 5pm, at which point I could bring her home. These people clearly did not understand that she had to come to Florida with us in February because we can not be separated like that. Still, with little other choice, I returned home without my fearless sidekick.
Thankfully they called right around 2pm. The kids hadn't really even been home long enough to notice she was missing yet. The cardiologist says its just a benign kitten murmur and she is fine. There is a slight thickening of one of the valves and they recommend a follow up echo in 6-12 months. Right now, though, she is cleared for surgery and all of her daily kitten shenanigans. I was concerned that she would be mad at me, but it seems I am forgiven. As I write, she is curled up next to me right where she belongs.